Day 13. 27,167 words and Seth is famous!
I had so much fun writing today! I allowed myself to write some pretty cheesy stuff (Seth fainted when she got some surprising news!) and some silly stuff, and my plot is moving forward. Seth went in to work today to find that her picture was all over the internet, along with some interesting rumors about her and Si. In this excerpt, she was with friends Laura and Crystal, discussing the tabloids. This image was the best I could do to find a celebrity magazine with Jude Law on the cover. Sadly, it's not really about some celebrity scandal.
As we drove over the bridge on our way into the city, I checked my phone to find I had received thirteen text messages from friends. Luckily, none of those friends were named Hagrid or Simon. And my mother didn’t seem to have caught wind of what was happening; she would be afraid of what the neighbors would say, and I wasn’t in the mood to hear her many complaints about my failings. I resolutely turned off my phone, and focused my attention on the magazines in front of me.
Entertainment Weekly and People magazine had run just tiny stories, without any photos. Star and Us Weekly both had 3 pages spreads including some of the photos we’d seen online at TMZ. Crystal was scrolling through other gossip sites on her phone to assess the damage there, while I carefully read through the Star (“Si’s Lesbian Leading Lady: Has he already signed over his vast fortune?” and Us Weekly (“Tongues Wag About Si’s Lesbian Lover”) articles.
I was surprised at how much mileage the magazines had got out of a few pixelated photos and a couple of ‘unnamed sources’ close to Si. There was some speculation about whether I was a trans woman (thankfully, neither of the two articles used the slur t***y, or Project Ten would have been forced to swing into action in a campaign denouncing the use of the word), a lot of unfunny puns and alliteration related to lesbianism, and some rumors that Si and I had already planned on moving in together.
“They don’t know anything about me except my name, and strangely, my age. It’s really strange to keep seeing “Seth Kayte, 37.” In all of these articles.”
“Online they’ve also got a couple of articles up about your height/weight proportion, and even some suggestions of the most flattering cuts of jeans for your body type.” Crystal offered me her phone to take a look, but I decided I didn’t really need the internet’s opinion about which kinds of jeans would make my ass look rounder, or flatter, or more boyish, or more womanly, or whatever kind of ass was in fashion this year.
As we drove over the bridge on our way into the city, I checked my phone to find I had received thirteen text messages from friends. Luckily, none of those friends were named Hagrid or Simon. And my mother didn’t seem to have caught wind of what was happening; she would be afraid of what the neighbors would say, and I wasn’t in the mood to hear her many complaints about my failings. I resolutely turned off my phone, and focused my attention on the magazines in front of me.
Entertainment Weekly and People magazine had run just tiny stories, without any photos. Star and Us Weekly both had 3 pages spreads including some of the photos we’d seen online at TMZ. Crystal was scrolling through other gossip sites on her phone to assess the damage there, while I carefully read through the Star (“Si’s Lesbian Leading Lady: Has he already signed over his vast fortune?” and Us Weekly (“Tongues Wag About Si’s Lesbian Lover”) articles.
I was surprised at how much mileage the magazines had got out of a few pixelated photos and a couple of ‘unnamed sources’ close to Si. There was some speculation about whether I was a trans woman (thankfully, neither of the two articles used the slur t***y, or Project Ten would have been forced to swing into action in a campaign denouncing the use of the word), a lot of unfunny puns and alliteration related to lesbianism, and some rumors that Si and I had already planned on moving in together.
“They don’t know anything about me except my name, and strangely, my age. It’s really strange to keep seeing “Seth Kayte, 37.” In all of these articles.”
“Online they’ve also got a couple of articles up about your height/weight proportion, and even some suggestions of the most flattering cuts of jeans for your body type.” Crystal offered me her phone to take a look, but I decided I didn’t really need the internet’s opinion about which kinds of jeans would make my ass look rounder, or flatter, or more boyish, or more womanly, or whatever kind of ass was in fashion this year.
Loved the dissection of gossip magazines, an analysis of the paper thin quality of the stories does make them look pretty absurd. I also really liked how the magazine writers were kind enough to include fashion suggestions for Seth.
ReplyDeleteThis was my favourite line: There was some speculation about whether I was a trans woman (thankfully, neither of the two articles used the slur t***y, or Project Ten would have been forced to swing into action in a campaign denouncing the use of the word)
Thank Goodness Project 10 wasn't forced to swing into action!
My favourite part was definitely at the end: “Online they’ve also got a couple of articles up about your height/weight proportion, and even some suggestions of the most flattering cuts of jeans for your body type.”
ReplyDeleteI love making fun of magazines, and I can see that you do too. Hilarious!
I just noticed the addition of Jude Law on the top of your blog. That picture is nice, I guess, but might I suggest that you consider the picture of a mustachioed Jude with a startled look on his face?
ReplyDeleteKatie, I made a new little montage, just for you. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteI AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT! (the excerpt, and especially the montage)
ReplyDelete