A very cursed scarf, 33,570 words

 I didn't write very much today. Only got about 600 words, decided not to push it.

I wrote two news articles... Not sure they will fully make sense but here are a couple of excerpts. 

Where Is The Oracle?

October 17, 2024

Tempers flared yesterday in Yorkville as a queue of people lined Yorkville Ave, from Bay St all the way to Avenue Rd.

It doesn't matter what time of year it is — you won't catch Lorina Rigaux waiting in line. 

"I'll do anything to avoid a lineup," says Rigaux, a working parent of two young children in Toronto.

"I am an incredibly impatient person. I will come back at an alternate time or come back right when the store opens up if I absolutely can't avoid shopping at brick and mortar."

She says she prefers to shop online after the kids have gone to bed.

Lorina Rigaux, working mom of two, says she'll do anything to avoid a lineup. (Lorina Rigaux)

However, Lorna was first in line at 6am this morning at the Yorkville Ave oracle shop that the neighborhood Historical Society has called ‘a blight on our civilization.’  Lorna was still first in line at 6pm, with hundreds of people queued up behind her. 

Late Tuesday night, an Instagram Reel by user @nonamecheddar went viral.  The Reel showed a six foot tall creature, half flower half deer, saying “life exists, it’s bullshit,” on repeat. The Reel was remixed 500 times before midnight, with dance versions, jazz versions, and a surprisingly catchy noise rock extended version. News spread that there was a new Oracle in town, and people started to gather. 

However, when the oracle shop (which has no name on the awning, but is officially registered as Make Me Rich Corp.) opened for the day, only human-looking oracles, fortune tellers, palmists, numerologists, and astrologers were present. The people waiting in line refused to enter the shop unless ‘the Bullshit Oracle’ appeared. 

The chant ‘we want bullshit’ could be heard up and down the street, and the hashtag #wewantbullshit has racked up thousands of posts by disgruntled Torontonians. 

Who is the Bullshit Oracle? Lorna Rigaux has no idea. But Lorna has been wearing – and nearly strangled by – a cursed scarf (that looks like a small child, perhaps a toddler, is strangling Lorna from behind) for the last 9 months. Surgeons, naturopaths, energy healers, and sorcerers have all tried, and failed, to remove the cursed scarf. “I’ll try anything,” said Lorna. 

Even waiting in line.

And the first paragraph of the next article.

Torontonians Restless as Bullshit Oracle Remains a Mystery

October 21, 2024

I

t’s been four days of mayhem in Toronto.

You might think we’re talking about the faux pirate ship that challenged Doug Ford’s convenience-store-on-a-boat to the dance contest that ultimately resulted in Ford stepping down from his position as Premier, overturned an obscure county law requiring marriage, and revoked the Ph.D. of smalltown mayor Jorn Acorn.