we've talked about this
Chapter 12.
"Guys, we've talked about this," Gordon said.
His eyes brimmed with despair. Some children were touting wooden musket shaped guns with an alarming amount of glee- one young child in particular was grinning maliciously, while gripping the gun with surprising proficiency- a stark contrast to her adorable curly hair and sparking blue eyes. It was truly chilling and also impressive. Some children appeared to be playing dead, one pink legging-ed child laying face down near a sweet-looking but nonetheless gormless toddler, who was holding his “musket” upside down and had his hat tipped downward over his eyes in a becoming manner.
On the floor, a kazoo shaped like a dolphin.
"The kazoos only come out in an EMERGENCY," Gordon scream-whined.
The adorable yet malicious child shouted, "in a mergency!" and all the children dropped their wooden muskets, tore off their fedoras, and pulled kazoos out from a hidden compartment inside the hats.
The gormless child expertly pulled a plastic golf club from inside his yellow raincoat, and began brandishing it in Gordon's face. Adorable/malicious led the rest of the tots in a rousing kazoo rendition of Greensleeves.
"Why have none of you read my dissertation!" Gordon sobbed, falling to the floor in defeat. "We'll never infiltrate the mini militia if you don't even know how to self-optimize through exercise and positive mindset."
Oh wow! Your excerpts are getting better and better. Each line of this is great, but especially Gordon scream-whining. I have to assume that's his primary way of communicating. The dolphin shaped kazoo rendition of Greensleeves is maybe the most ominous thing that's been written this year.
ReplyDeleteI shudder at the prospect of trying to get toddlers to "self-improve" through fitness and positive mindset. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be so helpful, because as at some point, I am going to have to explain what purpose the mini militia serves. It's all in here. All of it.
ReplyDeleteAt least the mini militias don’t yet have access to recorders. Shudder. Love all the things others have pointed to, but especially that one child’s name is now Adorable/malicious.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, thank god recorders don't conveniently fit under fedoras. Nightmare fuel, indeed.
ReplyDeleteGordon shouting "Why have none of you read my dissertation!" to the mini militia is the funniest image ever. You are an artiste.